Note: I am not a mother, but an aunt and godmother. These are just my opinions, suggestions or things I have learned from parents, also from my own experience on what happened to me when I wasn’t being a chilled out spawn.
Spanking or no spanking?
Is it really abuse?
Yes and no.
In my opinion, yes, if you are continuously spanking them. If you spank them once, but not hard, I don’t think it’s abuse. Some kids actually need to be spanked. I know that I did and my sister did. If you use something other than your hand, then a big hell yes that’s abuse!! No question about it.
There are alternate ways to discipline your child(ren)
Take away toys
Take away TV hours
Take away play time with friends/siblings
Stand in a corner or sit in a time out chair – depending on their age, go by minutes. I know it’s harder to do when they are 1 & 2, but you have to try something at least once.
ALWAYS RESORT TO SPANKING AS A LAST DITCH EFFORT!!
DON’T BE ANGRY WHEN YOU SPANK YOUR CHILDREN!!!
DO NOT SPANK DISABLED CHILDREN!!
If you’re still against spanking, here’s something else you can do:
Get down to their level or on the floor and talk to them. Kid can’t sit still? Talk to them while they’re coloring or playing with their favorite toy(s). Explain things to them so they can understand. DO NOT talk down to them!! i.e. you hitting me hurts my feelings and this part of my body.
No, I didn’t come up with that just on my own. My father and I came up with that together in order to be able to talk to my niece and nephew, since their parents had to work a lot. And he wishes that he knew that when my sister and I were little so things would have been easier for all of us.
DO NOT – I REPEAT – DO NOT GIVE INTO THEIR BEHAVIORS!! THIS IS CALLED SPOILING!!!
You’ll roll your eyes and think, “I’m not spoiling them” truth is, you are. And everyone around you will see it. And yes, they are judging you for doing so.
If you are for spanking, try not to do it in public, since it’s illegal and people will turn you in. OR, instead, take them out to the car and sit with them until they’re done screaming/acting up. Then talk to them calmly and explain to them why they’re in the car with you. Ask them if they’re done and ready to go inside. If they say yes, but then act up again, back out to the car. Like I said before, DO NOT give into them. Giving into them is just motivating them to do it again. Make them think, “OH, I can do this.” This isn’t what you want with them.
A swat on the butt to get their attention AFTER them not listening to you – repetitively asking them not to in the same day, I think is okay.
But if you do it out of anger, it is not going to get you anywhere.
Please try to calm down first before you do ANY disciplining!! If you cannot get your self to, hand your child to someone who is calm, walk away and get yourself to calm down before going back out to talk to your child(ren).
DO REWARD THEM when they stop their temper tantrums with hugs and kisses AND with a thank you for stopping. NOT WITH WHAT THEY ARE WANTING!!
ASK THEM WHY THEY ARE ACTING UP!! EMPATHIZE WITH THEM!!
Maybe they hit the other kid because they got hit first – accident or not. Maybe they have a headache or toothache and don’t know how to explain that to you. There is ALWAYS a reason why a child acts out and figuring it out without giving in or giving up is the BEST THING YOU CAN DO!!!
DON’T EVER call your child a liar. Call them names or tell them that their horrible. Also don’t tell them that they should not have been born at all (and I know that there are a lot of other ways of telling your kids that. I watched it happen to a friend before.) That can cause them to have mistrust and feel worthless. Eventually depression will set in and a chance of actual suicide.
DO NOT FORGET POSITIVE REINFORCEMENTS!!
DON’T EVER tell your child that it’s their fault that the other parent is the way they are.
DON’T EVER put your child against the other parent.
DO ENCOURAGE them to be respectful to the other parent, regardless your relationship with them!!
DON’T EVER get rid of photographs of the other parent or family members just because you’ve had a falling out with them. It will hurt your child(ren) in the long run. Trust me.
IF your child is happy and says that they look like their absent parent, DO NOT tell them no and say they look like someone else. VERY HURTFUL TO DO SO!! DO SAY, yes you do, but you also look like this person.
DO NOT tell your child(ren) that they cannot act a certain way because it’s reminding you of your ex. How else is your child suppose to shape into a beautiful human being?!
DO NOT say hurtful things if they want to invite the absent parent/family members to their graduation, birthday parties, wedding, etc…. this is also VERY HURTFUL!!
ABOVE ALL ELSE – DO NOT KEEP YOUR CHILD FROM OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T GET ALONG WITH THEM!! IT HURTS THE KIDS IN THE LONG RUN AS WELL AS THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS!! LEARN TO BE CIVIL!! UNLESS THERE IS DRUGS, ALCOHOL ABUSE OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF ABUSE, DON’T PREVENT YOUR CHILD FROM KNOWING THEIR FAMILY AND HAVING A HAPPY LIFE!! Talking from experience!
I hope this helps people and I’m sure will piss some people off, but hey, that’s why it’s called opinions, right?
Have a wonderful day!!