Patience, confidence and courage are the hardest things for me to have. Although it does depend on what it is needed for. I can have the patience for someone to get back with me on a lunch date or a job, but I have none when it comes to wanting to start a life with someone. I have the confidence when I am with my friends; to be funny and helpful, give my opinion and advice, but I have no confidence when it comes to getting the things that I want and need. I have the courage to stand up for myself and for others, but I have no courage to ask how I can climb the ladder at work, to better myself.
Today, it is all going to change. Today I will have these things and even though it’s going to be a hard battle it must be done. I need to better my life, instead of always helping others to better their own. I will never get the family I’ve dreamed of, if I do not start taking care of myself. I will always be happy to give my advice to friends and family, but I wont be able to put it above my own problems anymore. I NEED TO BREAK THIS VICIOUS CYCLE THAT I HAVE FALLEN BACK INTO!!!
What I need the most, is for my friends and family to understand this and help me for once. Not physically, not financially, but emotionally, because I feel like that no one has been and that the people that have been are getting exhausted because they’re unable to take care of themselves, because I’m always having to go to them, since I feel like I cannot with my own family. And for those few who have been strong for me in the last year, I am deeply grateful for all that you’ve done, all the kind, caring words you have spoken to me; the hours that you put aside to make sure that I was going to be alright – thank you from the bottom of my heart. If I have ever seemed selfish in any way, I am truly sorry and I will try my hardest to be more of a good friend.
Let’s leave 2016 in the dust and bring on 2017 with lots of love; with caring and kind words, uplifting praises and stand tall with pride knowing that things can change for the better!!
If I am ever down in the future, please be patient with me. I am still growing and learning how to deal with myself and how to be independent. I hope that no one will be afraid to come to me if they need a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent at. I am not perfect with advice, but I will always be honest with you.
Lots of love to you all.